


Nothing (Underneath the Christmas tree)

by Sunnyqueen



Category: Hawaii Five-0 (2010)
Genre: Angst and Feels, Angst with a Happy Ending, Baking, Brotherhood, Brotherly Affection, Brotherly Bonding, Christmas, Christmas Angst, Christmas Dinner, Christmas Eve, Christmas Presents, Cooking, Danny "Danno" Williams Needs a Hug, Danny is a baker, Divorced Adam Noshimuri, Divorced Kono Kalakaua, Emotional Hurt, Eventual Happy Ending, Financial Issues, Heavy Angst, Hurt Danny "Danno" Williams, Hurt Steve McGarrett, M/M, Money, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Protective Adam Noshimuri, Protective Kamekona Tupuola, Protective Siblings, Sad Christmas, Steve McGarrett Has Issues, Steve McGarrett Needs a Hug, Tags May Change, Team as Family
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-12-14
Updated: 2021-02-25
Packaged: 2021-03-11 00:35:44
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 20,025
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28046301
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Sunnyqueen/pseuds/Sunnyqueen
Summary: He was standing there, on his own, in the middle of his dining room, lit up with a warm golden glow, fairy lights twinkling around the big Christmas tree he had found this year. He could feel his Santa's hat sliding off his head, the apron tied around him, stained with flour and tomato was constricting now. In autopilot, he took it off, letting it fall over what would have been his seat.
Relationships: Adam Noshimuri & Danny "Danno" Williams, Steve McGarrett/Danny "Danno" Williams
Comments: 124
Kudos: 133





	1. Chapter 1

“Why don’t you come by tomorrow? We can watch a game and fire up the grill.” Steve questioned when they arrived at his house turning to look at his partner. 

“Sorry babe, I already have plans.” Danny smiled at him, a bit tight, a bit forced, a bit distant. 

For some reason he still hadn’t been able to figure out, Danno didn’t want to spend time with him anymore outside of work. 

He always had plans, now.

Sure, he would come by after work for a beer, but he never stayed the night anymore, he only came to his place on the Sundays he had the kids and he just… He was slipping through his fingers and there was nothing Steve could do to prevent the ending he had always known would happen at some point, although this was a lot sooner than he expected, truth be told, but still the same ending: him, alone on the island again, no best friend or family in sight, and Danny back in Jersey surrounded by his friends and family.

And he didn’t know what to do to stop Danny from leaving him, because nothing he tried worked. He had tried to do things together, things he knew Danny would enjoy, like a football or baseball game, going to the pound to play with the dogs, a horse race, lure him with steaks and good wine. 

But nothing worked.

“Okay. Have fun.” He smiled at him, and he knew it was also a bit tight, a bit forced, a bit distant. “See you on Monday?” He needed to know.

“Of course, babe. I’ll pick you up and bring that coffee you like. I’m sorry about the weekend, I promise I’ll come with the kids next one, alright?”

Well, he promised. And if there was something he trusted more than anything, was Danny’s promises. “Okay. We could… go to the Aquarium?” He suggested. He needed to feel like he was part of their family again. He would never be, not like that, not like he wanted, but being there with them was already a blessing, and he never got many of those.

“Sounds great. I’m sure the kids will love it, babe.”

* * *

Danny closed the door behind him, the back of his car packed with boxes of cupcakes and cookies for a birthday party. He wondered just how many kids would be there to demolish all 80 cupcakes and the 100 something cookies, but hey, he got paid pretty good money to make all of that and it really wasn’t his business.

Who knew kids birthday parties paid that well?

Well, Kame did, apparently. And probably Rachel, if every time she threw a party for their kids she hired this kind of service.

He drove to Waikiki, constantly checking that everything was in place and he wouldn’t deliver smashed cupcakes and cookie crumble. 

30 minutes later he was ringing Mrs. Jefferson’s bell. She had heard about him through one of the mom’s in her son’s class and she was the the first of four people he had to deliver stuff to today, all neatly stacked in the trunk of his car. 

“Oh, Mr. Williams! Come in, please!" She took some of the boxes in his arms, all smiles. "Cameron, Peter, come help Mr. Williams get everything inside, please!” She yelled into the house. 

“Okaaaay…” Two kids, clearly twins, around 8 years old each barrelled outside and looked at him, expectantly.

“Well, I don’t usually get help.” He grinned at them, leading them to the car, giving them each a box packed with cookies while he took the rest of the boxes. "How old are you, boys?"

"We are turning 8!" They exclaimed. "Daddy is coming back for our party!" The slightly taller one said.

"Ah. He's Navy?" He asked Mrs. Jefferson.

"Yes. Yours, too?" She replied, taking another couple of boxes.

And Danny's mind was suddenly filled with Steve. Steve and his puppy eyes when he was being yelled at. Steve's smile, that one that took 10 years off of him. Steve's furious face when he went after those that hurt his ohana. Steve's sad eyes when Danny said he wouldn't go tomorrow.

"Something like that." She nodded, as if she understood. 

And maybe she did.

"Can I offer you anything to drink?" She brought him back to the present.

"Oh, no thank you. I have other things I need to deliver. I hope they like them."

"I know they will, they insisted we had to have the same cupcakes Leilani did in her party a few weeks ago." She smiled at him and handed him 30 extra dollars. “For the delivery, I know how traffic is on Saturdays.”

"Mrs. Jefferson, delivery is included on the final price, you don't have to…"

"Their dad might not be able to come home in time, there was a storm in Hanoi yesterday. So your sweets will be the only thing…" She looked away, obviously struggling to find the words she wanted. "I'm sorry. It's not your problem."

He shook his head and put his hand on her shoulder. "I'm sorry to hear that, but I'm sure everything will be alright."

"Thank you. He should be here mid-week anyways. We are used to waiting. I'm sure you are, too."

He nodded, remembering all those times Steve had had to leave on a mission, the anxiety that would unfurl every time he would go to Pearl and not come back for weeks.

"Everything will be alright. Have a good weekend."

"You too, Mr. Williams."

* * *

Once his morning deliveries were done he headed back to start on a batch of triple chocolate cookies and another one of salted caramel he had to deliver by 6pm in Waikiki.

And he, against all (his) thoughts was making money. He was too close to his EBP, but the fact that he wasn't losing money… It just made his goal look that small bit closer.

Or at the very least, possible.

The first few weeks had been nerve wracking and he had tried to pull the plug more than once, Kamekona smacking him over the head also more than once, telling him that all businesses started small and would grow with good produce and good service. 

And he had been right. No one could argue that the man didn’t have an excellent business mind. 

Kamekona had sent some of his clients his way when he knew their birthdays were coming up, and from there, it had been like a snowball. One person asked, the other told, gave the other his phone number and they would ask if there was a slot for them.

Given that he only baked during the weekends and the rare off day they got, he had decided that the maximum he could do was a total of 20 clients on a regular week. He had also put down a minimum import of 75 dollars, but the people who contacted him were all for celebrations, so it wasn’t a huge amount of money to be dropped.

And somehow, four months later he still had to encounter a… a… what did Gracie call them? Carols? Karas? Karens? Yeah, that was it! Karens. In his time they just called them “That bitch” but internet man, wonderful thing.

Most of the time.

* * *

_“Hello Monkey!”_

“Hi Danno!” Grace replied, sounding all cheery and happy. She had meant to call sooner, but she had started playing with Charlie and it slipped her mind. But she made it a point to call Danno everyday. She didn’t know exactly _why_ her dad was running himself bare to bake for others, but she wasn’t stupid, she knew he was also paying Charlie’s child support now, had heard him once talking about money with Grandma once, when he thought she had her headphones on.

She hadn’t meant to eavesdrop, but she had heard him talking and thinking he was talking to her she had stopped the music and… she hadn’t been able to turn it back on. Danno, unlike her mother, had always made it a point to not talk about money or the custody issues in front of her, but she knew why he had lived in that nasty apartment during their first year, her mother and Stan had talked about Danny paying child support when he shouldn’t have had to given Stan’s money because she had taken everything from him during the divorce. She had a vague memory of the motel room he used to live back in Jersey.

She thought she’d never see her dad again when they had told her they were moving to Hawaii. But Danno had followed, and he had lived in a place not even the bad guys would want to live, only to see her one day a week, and every other weekend.

She thought about Kaila, and how she never saw her dad, even though she hadn’t moved places and he could see her whenever he wanted. Yet Danno had left everything he knew, left his own family behind for her. And when Charlie got sick and her mother’s lie came out, he hadn’t even doubted doing everything for her little brother.

 _“How was your day, Monkey?”_ She blinked, startled out of her thoughts, and she launched in a full explanation of her day.

"Did you take some pictures of it, Danno?" She asked when she finished talking.

_"Of course Monkey. I'll send them right away. Thank you very much."_

"I… I just want to help you, Danno." She muttered.

_"I know, Monkey. It's really helping me out."_

She grinned, happy that her editing was helping Danno one way or another.

The door opened slightly and a blind head popped in. 

"Is that Danno? I also wanna talk with him!" He exclaimed, stepping inside and looking at her, expectantly.

"C'mon." She patted the spot next to her and he hurried to climb on the bed, taking the phone as soon as it was offered.

"Hi Danno!" She laughed when Charlie started talking like Danno was going to hang up if he didn’t explain everything in 30 seconds. 

* * *

Danny sent Grace the pictures he had taken of everything he had made. Setting up an Instagram account had been all her idea, and honestly, it was probably the best thing he could have done because not only did he keep his current customers engaged, he was able to get new people in, build a platform, and some of those who followed him ordered stuff, too. It was also great to tell them when he was going to be having an extra day in the middle of the week, or how many spots he had before he closed the list on Friday night.

But he had no idea on how to use it: the pictures he took always looked lacking, he never knew what to write as a caption and tagging was a complete and utter nightmare, so his Monkey had decided that she would do it for him. She would edit the photos, and post them herself. And watching her, he realised that she seemed to be finding a hobby with it. He had seen her take pictures with her phone of very random things, taking different angles and messing with simple edit tools her phone had.

He was going to get a camera for her once he had made more money. She was doing so much for him, and she didn’t even question why, but she was a smart cookie, so she probably knew paying child support for both was tough on him, but she was too respectful to even bring the topic up.

* * *

And the business kept growing. Amazingly so. He was so near to having all the money he needed to try and make his children happy. So near to be a real dad again. 

A few weeks later from her twins’ birthday, Mrs. Jefferson called again and asked if he also made savoury food. He didn’t. But when she said the order would amount to over $250, he had had too. They met a couple days later and agreed on some simple, but delicious, fingers foods: pigs in blankets, mushroom vol-au-vent, mini pizzas, croquettes, herby cheesy puffs, mini spam musubis and, with Kame’s permission, shrimp skewers, among other things. 

And apparently, it had been a hit. Suddenly he had almost as many orders for savoury as he did for sweet.

And he had been unable to do everything: Five-0, the books, his own house, the cooking… so he turned to the one man he knew could handle the books with no problem.

_You have a baking slash catering company."_

_"I wouldn't call it a company, it's barely a proper business, Adam." He chuckled, handing him a beer. “But yeah.”_

_“Why?”_

_“Need the money. Child support is not cheap.” It wasn’t a lie, but it wasn’t the whole truth._

_“You know they would have lent you the money, right?”_

_“I don’t want their money. It’s not their job to take care of my children.” Danny growled and Adam simply raised his hands. “Sorry.”_

_“Hey, it’s alright. So, when do I start?”_

_“Really? You want to?”_

_“Of course, Danny! You’ve helped me so much after Kono and I… Anything I can do to repay you, I want to do.”_

_Kono and him had split almost 2 years ago, and without her and without the Yakuza, he hadn’t known what to do, he had been lost and drinking his way to an early grave when Danny had pulled him out of it, just by being there, listening to him, helping him clean up the house, convincing him to go to therapy. And he knew that had put him at odds with his ex-wife for some time. So yeah, if Danny needed help with something, he was more than happy to do so. It would also help him to be doing something because he wanted to instead of having to go all over the city from one advising consultation to another. This was something he_ wanted _to do._

* * *

A few weeks later, because destiny was a bitch and hated him, fucking Five-0 placed an order on him. Chin had been waxing poetic about the food he had had at a party three weeks ago and he had insisted they would not regret it.

He had thought of discouraging them, because of course the other three thought if Chin said it was amazing it had to be true, but he knew it would look odd if he tried to persuade them if he had never had it before.

So in the end, he ended up taking the order. The cooking and baking wasn't the problem, delivery was. How was he going to deliver and be there at the same time? He ended up posting an ad on Craigslist ajd lucky him, he found a young girl with a driver's license who was more than eager to make some cash.

It had been a hit.

_"Hey Danno, have you tried these pigs in blankets? They are sooo good."_

_"No no, the salted caramel cookies are the best!"_

_"You are both wrong, the best thing here are the spam musubis. That sauce man."_

_"How do you have favourites? Everything here is to die for!"_

* * *

And so, December arrived.

Danny smiled at the food on the kitchen table ready to be brought out when everyone got there. He had made lasagna as their main, but he had some new finger food he wanted them to try and get their opinion on before he started offering it to his clients.

The whole team was coming over for Christmas’ Eve, even Grover. Renee had gone to Seattle to spend the holidays with her family and had taken the kids with her and Lou would be joining them the next day and for a week. Chin was going to spend it with Abby, but she had been called back to SF so he had joined them last minute. Steve and Kono had no one to spend it with other than family, and Mary was not able to make it this year, so they all had decided to go to Danny’s, mostly because he was the best cook and to keep him company since Rachel was not letting him have the kids until the afternoon of the 31st.

Kamekona and Flippa were going to join them for some drinks after dinners. Adam had declined his invitation, promising to drop by on the 25th at some point.

"Danno!" Steve called as he came in. "Need any help?"

He stuck his head out of the kitchen. "Hey babe. Can you finish setting the table?'

"You got it, man."

Less than half an hour later, everyone was there. After they had a beer he told them to take a seat and he brought everything out.

As soon as he took his place, Steve gave him a smile before he started to take one or two of each thing like he was not going to ever eat again. And everyone else seemed eager to get into the food, too.

It made him happy, that everyone was so… enthusiastic about eating his food, it meant he had done a good job, that they appreciated the effort.

"You really liked that catering's food, huh?" Lou said, grinning at him.

"What." Danny replied, feeling his mouth go dry and the back of his head starts breaking a sweat.

"There's no shame on it, Danny. Those pigs in blankets were amazing. How many times have you tried to make them? They look almost the same." Chin said grinning.

"Yeah, but you could have gone for the spam musubis. I still dream about them." Kono lamented.

Steve smirked at him before raising his piece to his mouth. "Let's see if you could own a restaurant, Danno."

Danny stared at him, and it was as if everything was playing in slow mo in front of him: Steve opening his mouth , the food disappearing behind his lips, the chewing, the way his eyes snapped open, fixing him with a glare, tye angry swallowing, the lips partying again, a furious tilt to them.

“Steve?” Kono said, putting her own morsel down, seeing the look on her boss’s face, making the other two look at Steve first, then at Danny, who had lost all of his Christmas’ cheer.

“You didn’t need to, did you?”

Danny was feeling an anxiety attack coming up: Steve knew. Steveknew. _SteveknewSteveknewSteveknew._

_Steve._

_Knew._

And he hated it. 

He obviously hated it. 

Why did he ever think it was a good plan? That Steve would be alright with him cooking for business instead of only as a hobby? Would be alright with his second taking another job without telling him?

“Steve, what are you saying, man?” Lou interrupted, obviously not following. But then again, why would he? How could he? 

“He didn’t need to try to make them. He’s the one who made them in the first place.” He stood up, walking up to their host. “What the hell, Danny? Are we not enough anymore? Are you planning on leaving us? To be… to be a caterer?”

“Wha- No! Of course not!” He exclaimed, looking Steve in the eyes for the first time.

“Then why, Danny?”

“I-I just… I just…”

“You just what?” Why weren’t the others helping him calm Steve down? Were they also furious at him? Stupid question, of course they were.

He felt cornered, abandoned, like he had no safe exit.

“I needed the money!” He yelled back, trying to hold the tears in, letting anger and hurt take a hold of his heart, and his voice. “Do you know how _much_ child support is? For two kids? Rent? Utilities? Food? In _Hawaii_ of all places?”

But instead of appeasing Steve, it only made him angrier. “You could have asked me for it!” He yelled, slamming his hand on the table.

“Oh, oh!" He waved his arms away, making Steve take a step back. "I could have asked you? _You?_ You can’t even pay for a single round of beers when we go out and you are going to lend me that much money? Yeah, fucking right.”

“And what about us?” Kono interrupted, before Steve could open his mouth again. “What about me? I could have helped.”

“Or me.”

“Or us.”

"I know you are tight on money after the divorce." He told Kono, who glared at him. " _You_ have helped me more than enough, there is no way I'm coming to you again for more money." He told Chin, who looked ready to argue so he moved to Grover next. "You've got two kids to maintain of your own, like hell I'm asking you for money when Sam is in college. And besides, they are _my_ children, _I'm_ the one supposed to take care of them, so if I can't afford everything right now and need extra income, that's my damn own problem, got it?"

"So what? We are just here for the good times? Are we supposed to ignore all of this now?" Steve's voice was dripping with anger and pain.

"Yes, dammit! Yes! I've been managing just fine, haven’t I?" He replied before he looked at the food. "Can we just forget about it and go back to eating?"

Steve stood up and loomed over him, as if that had ever worked with him, his eyes furious and his nostrils flaring.

He probably wanted to hit him. Maybe he should. Maybe that would be better.

"Fuck you, Danny. I cannot believe you right now. Some partner you are, if you can’t even trust me with this. I'm out of here." He growled, snatching his jacket off the back of the chair and storming out.

And before he could react, Kono and Lou were gone too, and Chin was also standing up.

"I'm sorry Danny, but he… they… I'm sorry."

And before he realised it, he was alone.

He was standing there, on his own, in the middle of his dining room, lit up with a warm golden glow, fairy lights twinkling around the big Christmas tree he had found this year. He could feel his Santa's hat sliding off his head, the apron tied around him, stained with flour and tomato was constricting now. In autopilot, he took it off, letting it fall over what would have been his seat. 

He briefly wondered why everything was so blurry, and then realised his eyes were filled with tears. He rubbed them with the back of his arm before he turned around and saw the table.

The table with all the food he had lovingly prepared for his team to show them how much it meant that they wanted to spend it with him. It was still untouched. Except for Steve's, the bite he had taken of his pig in a blanket clear as day. 

He didn't try to stop the new wave of tears. That's what he got for being stupid and thinking he could keep it a secret, for being a useless dad who couldn't even afford to live where his kids lived and pay to see them. For being a selfish partner and teammate.

Because Danny was putting everyone at risk if he was distracted by something else while on the job. They could have died because of him. What had he been thinking about? Of course Steve hated him, the job always came first, especially theirs.

He went into the kitchen, grabbing the biggest trash bag he could find and he started to throw away all the food. It meant nothing now, he meant nothing.

They had all left him alone, to go celebrate Christmas Eve together, where they didn't have to see him and be reminded of the kind of man he was. The failure he was. 

Once the dining room was clear of food, Christmas themed napkins and plates and the red candles he went into the kitchen and threw the lasagna, glass dish and all. He took the bread pudding and dumped it, too. He thought they might appreciate the effort, but he would never know now.

And then, because he wasn't feeling like shit enough, soon as he came out of the kitchen the first thing he saw was the Christmas tree, all perfectly decorated and lit up. 

He wanted to throw up.

What use was a Christmas tree if nobody would see it? It was only taking up space and making his electricity bill go up. 

So the tree went down, too. The cheap, plastic decorations clattering into the trash bag, some of them chattering.

Well, what was one more chattered thing anyway? He wished he could throw his heart away like that, maybe it would stop hurting so much.

Once the tree was bare he just dumped it on the lanai, he would take care of it tomorrow.

Next was the presents, now all piled on a side of the room. They could go back into his closet in the garage, it's not like the kids were coming tomorrow. His lips trembled when he took Steve's. He should probably throw it away, it was clear that Steve wanted nothing to do with him, probably wouldn't care about the kids either, so why would he ever want a reminder of his family? 

He shoved them all inside again and turned off the lights. There was no point in staying awake if he was going to be alone anyways. 

He crawled back into bed and it was then that the thought that Steve hated him fully settled in his mind.

The man he was in love with _hated_ him. How was he going to tell his children Uncle Steve didn't want them in his life anymore? Grace would be heartbroken, Charlie too. His little man wouldn't understand and would end up resenting him. Grace would _hate_ him for driving another Uncle away from her.

He was going to lose his children anyways and everything he had done until now to ensure their happiness seemed useless. He should probably give up on silly dreams of being a father 24/7 and put the money in their college funds and let them stay with Rachel. Maybe he should just move back to Jersey, be out of everyone’s way.

* * *

He cried himself to sleep, ignoring the constant buzzing of his phone. It was probably just one group chat or another of people congratulating each other. It's not like they would notice whether he answered or not.

* * *

Kamekona and Flippa sighed when Danny didn't answer his phone and they had blown it with messages and calls. They had also knocked on the door, but no one answered. It was obvious Danny was in the house since the car was there, but there was no one else around, or their cars. The Christmas decorations Danny had put up in the room seemed to be gone from what they could see, and so, they wondered what had happened.

Nothing good, that was for sure.

They called the other four, but got no answer either, so with a sigh, they went back to their places.

“Hey Adam, have you heard from Jersey?”

_"No. Has something happened?"_

“We are at his place, but he isn’t answering. None o’ the others are here. Been calling all of them, nothing.”

 _“I’ll call him too.”_ He replied.

“Thanks Brah.”

* * *

Danny didn’t pick up either. And he was so, so tempted to call his ex-wife, but he didn’t. Not when, deep down, he knew she was at fault for hurting the man who had become his brother and honestly, he didn’t want to see her. They had ended their short-lived marriage in a fairly peaceful manner, but after that, everyone had stood by Kono. 

Everyone but Danny, who more likely rolled his eyes at everyone else and pushed and pulled at him until he was back on his feet again. Steve would come sometimes too, but it was Danny who was always there for him. And he didn’t know what happened, but if they had left Danny alone, knowing he wouldn't see his children until the 31, during Christmas Eve, a holiday he loved so much and now made him feel alienated again… 

God, what had Steve been thinking?

* * *

God, what had he been thinking? 

Storming off like that, knowing Danno had been looking forward to them being there with him. He had made some of their favourite foods and he had walked out. The others had followed him.

They had left Danny standing there, watching them leave all together. 

Danny, who had been terrified of them knowing his secret. He could see it now, the pure fear that had painted his eyes when Lou had teased him about wanting to replicate the food they had had at the event a few months back. And he had pushed and pushed until he got the answer he wanted and when he didn’t like it, he pushed even more, made Danny angry at him enough to yell at him, to be rude to everyone else.

He had known Danny was hiding something, but he had thought… He had thought that his partner trusted him enough to come to him if he was in trouble, like he had done in the past. But the baseline of all of that was… was that Danny didn’t trust him. Not when money was concerned. And why should he? Had he ever proved to him that he was alright with giving money away? Spending it? Danno had been right, he barely ever paid, even knowing how tight Danno was on money, he still made him pay more often than not.

He felt bile burn his throat, but he pushed it back down. 

Because he was tight with his money he had made Danny take on a second job to support his children, so he could be able to see them. He had seen the signs of Danny being a lot more tired than normal, but after he asked Danny would always say it had been his insomnia flaring up, so he had left it alone. Why the fuck had he left it alone? He should have dragged his partner’s ass to a fucking doctor and see if there was something that he could have done to help him some!

And the worst part… The worst part was that he had said Danno was a bad partner. He had accused the same man who had given up his family for him, who had flown into a hostile country to get him out of a situation he had told him not to go into and who had refused to land the plane in the water because he would die otherwirse and then _had given him his fucking liver_ of not being a good enough partner.

Danny probably hated him, now. If he hadn’t been thinking of leaving Five-0 before he surely was now, because why would he come back to someone who had said those words to him? He had been so afraid of losing him, and now he had lost him by his own doing.

He wanted to laugh and cry at the same time. Danno was his everything. Had been for years. Him and the kids, and now he would be alone again, because Danny would leave Five-0, probably Hawaii, and would forget all about them, about him.

Because his need to know about everything about his partner had taken over with rage and pain and instead of convincing Danny he could be there for him, he had left him alone, on his favourite night, all alone and, more likely, feeling miserable.

He needed to apologise. Now. Before it was too late. Before he completely lost him, because if there was a chance that Danny would listen to him for even a second, he was going to take it and not let go of it.

So he downed the rest of his coffee, took all the keys he’d need and headed to Danny’s place as fast as he could. He knocked, but when he heard nothing he opened the door with the key Danno had given him when he got the new place.

And as soon as he crossed the threshold, his heart dropped.

There was nothing. There was no tree. 

None of the decorations Danny had spent hours putting up for his children.

None of the food he had made for them and he knew it was inside the huge trash bag sitting by the wall. 

_No presents._ There were none of the gifts he had spent a whole week getting for his kids.

Nothing. There was _nothing_ there that said it was Christmas time. 

And although he knew the car was parked outside, next to his, he felt a cold sweat starting to break at the back of his neck and back, drenching his shirt.

Was Danny… gone? Had he actually left Hawaii? Was he at the airport ready to go back to Jersey? Had they… Had _he_ driven him away forever?

He rushed through the house and into Danno's room, almost falling down in relief when he saw him there, sleeping, curled around himself.

Danny was still here.

But, for how long?, his mind supplied. For how long would he stay after yesterday? He walked up to him, his heart dropping even more when he saw the tear stained cheeks.

Danno had cried himself to sleep. Because of them. Because they had been assholes when they had had absolutely no right to be. Hadn’t all of them kept secrets from each other? Why didn’t Danno get to have even one? How could he have been so… _cruel_ to the person that meant the world to him?

There was no way he could right the many wrongs from yesterday.

But there was one thing he could do to at least make Danny’s day a little bit better.


	2. Chapter 2

“Commander?” Rachel opened the door, staring at him as if he had grown another head. “Everything alright?”

“Yes. No. Look, I need the kids to come to Danny’s with me.” He said. There was no time to be lost.

“To Daniel’s? I don’t know what he’s playing at sending you here, but they kids are with me until the 31st, he can see them then.”

“He hasn’t sent me anywhere. I’m here because I messed up big time yesterday and…  _ Please Rachel. _ I just… I don’t want him to be alone, that’s all. The kids will be back by dinner, ok?”

She stared at him for what felt like ages. They had never talked, not really. If Danny had been stuck at court or landed in the hospital Steve would pick them up, but that was as far as their interactions went.

"What about you? Your team?" She said, crossing her arms over her chest.

"We  _ all  _ fucked up. I doubt Danny will ever forgive us. Forgive  _ me _ .  _ Please. _ " He looked at her eyes. "You know I would never ask for this if I wasn't sure Danny was going through a shit time. You know the kids are his whole world, Rachel." And she owed it to him after hiding Charlie from him for 3 whole years, and she would still be doing it if he hadn’t gotten sick.

“Only until 5, I need to bathe Charlie and Grace has homework to do.” She said. “Charlie, Grace, come here please!” She hollered into the house.

A five seconds later, Charlie was jumping into his arms. “Uncle Steve!”

“Hi buddy!” He relished on the feel of his weight and warmth, knowing this could very well be the last time he ever picked him up, or even saw him. “Did you… Did you get a lot of presents?”

“Uh-huh! I got a firetruck! Like Nono’s!” He exclaimed, looking around. “Where’s Danno?”

“Hi Uncle Steve.” Grace kissed his cheek before hugging him. “Mele Kalikimaka.”

“Yeah.” He croaked, biting his tongue to keep the tears in. He would not survive without the 3 of them. He knew it. “I was talking to your mom about bringing you to Danno until this afternoon… if you want.”

“Yeah!” Charlie cheered, hugging him even tighter.

“Yeah, of course!” Grace exclaimed, smiling at him. “I’ll go get the present I… Santa brought for him!” She ran into the house and well, if Steve liked to see the pained look on Rachel’s eyes when she saw how eager they were to go to their father it was nobody’s business but his.

Five minutes later, they were all inside the Silverado. 

Steve was at war with himself: a part of him wanted Danny to be awake so he could beg for forgiveness, for a chance to explain himself, but another part of him, one that didn’t appear much, was  _ terrified  _ of the chance that Danny was up already and would slam the door on his face, that he would tell him he was not wanted anymore.

He let out a breath when he rolled into a stop in front of Danno’s house. He turned around to look at the kids he loved so much.

“Hey, you know I love you, right?” The two of them shared a glance, so much like Danny that it made his heart weep. “I will always love you, no matter what. You and your dad mean the world to me.”

Gracie’s eyes grew in size at his words. “Are you leaving again? You said… You said you weren’t with the SEALs anymore!”

God, he should just keep his mouth shut and let them go, he was just hurting them over and over. “No, Gracie, I’m not going anywhere. I just wanted you to know.”

Charlie blinked before he unfastened his seat belt and kissed him on the cheek. “Love you too Uncle Steve!” And with that, he was out of the car, trying to open the door of the house, which was, of course, locked. "Gracie! C'mon!"

“I'm coming! Give me a minute!" She yelled back before turning her head. "Uncle Steve?” Grace leaned over through the whole between the front seats. “Is… Is everything alright? Did you and Danno have a fight or something?” Well, she was definitely her father’s daughter, they had the same uncanny ability of reading him with a glance.

“Something like that. Don’t worry. I’ll fix it. I promise.” Or at the very least, he would do his best to fix what he had broken. And he knew he had broken a lot. “I promise I’ll make it better, Gracie.”

“Ooookaaay... Love you too, Uncle Steve.” She kissed him too and then jumped off the car. “Are you… coming in with us?”

He gave her a sad smile, shaking his head. “I don’t think Danny is my biggest fan right now. And I don’t want to intrude in your time together.”

“You never intrude! We want you here! Danno does too! He’s always the one who suggests we go visit you!”

He held up his hand. “Gracie, not today. I promise I’ll see you around, and if… if you want to, and they let you, you two are always welcome to come by my place.”

“But…”

“Grace. Please.” He interrupted and his voice must have been either pained enough or serious enough that she just pursed her lips and nodded. “Go have fun with Danno, ok? He might still be sleeping. I made some coffee for him before coming to pick you up, ok?”

“Ok, Uncle Steve.” She turned around and went to her brother, opening the door with her set of keys.

Steve waited until they were inside and a few more minutes to make sure they were alright.

He hoped this was the right path onto making things right with his partner, because he couldn’t lose him. He just  _ couldn’t _ . Someone else he could deal with, but not Danny.

* * *

Charlie gasped when he came into the house, instinctively reaching for his sister’s hand.

“Gracie, where’s the tree?” He whispered. They had chosen the decorations with Danno. He had said he loved them. They had put them on the tree together. So why wasn’t the tree there? Did Danno hate them? _Did Danno lie?_ But Danno always said lying was bad!

“I don’t know, Charlie.” She whispered, squeezing his hand, feeling anger fill her. Uncle Steve did say they had a fight, not that Danno had left the house completely bare. There was nothing in the house that said “Williams Christmas”. Not even the pile of presents on the table. 

Did he think she was stupid or something? That hadn’t been a normal fight. It could not have been. And she knew it wasn’t just Uncle Steve, whatever had happened yesterday night, she knew it included everyone. Danno wouldn’t have thrown everything if he had had a fight with just Uncle Steve.

“Hey Charlie, why don’t you go wake up Danno? I’ll go get breakfast started, yeah?” She said, nudging her little brother towards Danno's room.

“Ok!” The mention of their dad sent her little brother bolting up the stairs. She would have laughed at his eagerness if she wasn’t so angry at the moment.

She took a picture of the whole room and sent it to every single one of them with a voice message that although short, was clear and unable to misunderstand.

_ I want to know what happened. What did you do to make my dad throw all decorations away? What the fuck have you done? _

She shut the phone off and got the orange juicer out. She was going to make their Christmas breakfast. They obviously had taken all the cheer out of the house and out of Danno and she would be damned before she let their traditions die because everyone else was an asshole to her dad.

She heard her phone ping, but decided to ignore it so she could have a good time with Danno and Charlie. She would deal with all of the later.

* * *

"Danno?" Charlie opened the door and poked his head inside, seeing his dad still asleep. He opened the door and ventured inside. "Danno." He poked him in the arm, but got nothing but a soft mumble. He frowned. Mommy always said not to yell, but Danno always yelled at Uncle Steve so… "Danno! It's Christmas!" He yelled, climbing on top of him.

That did the trick, arms wrapping around him even before Danno had opened his eyes.

“Charlie, wha…?” His eyes snapped open when he realised he had his little boy in his arms. “Charlie? What are you doing here?” He sat up, still holding him so he wouldn’t fall. What the hell was going on? “Is you mother ok?”

"Yeah!"

"Okay… How did you get here, Squirrel?" If Rachel hadn't dropped them off… Did Grace drive them, then? It was strange that she would do that without telling him first. "Gracie?"

"Nu-uh. Uncle Steve brought us here!" He exclaimed, hooking his chin on his father's shoulder. "Merry Christmas Daddy! Are you happy, Danno?"

"Y-yeah, of course I am! Merry Christmas Squirrel!" He replied, cuddling him even closer. "Is Uncle Steve here too?"

His son shook his head, pulling away and staring at him with sad eyes.

So Steve had convinced (probably threatened) Rachel to let the kids stay with him for the day? Or a few hours at least? What was… what the hell was that supposed to mean? Was that his way to say he was sorry? Because while he appreciated it… He wasn't there. He had picked up his kids and decided that instead of apologising, one nice gesture was enough?

Well, it wasn't. Not anymore. Not after the night before.

"Gracie's making pancakes." Charlie giggled after a few minutes, when his dad's stomach growled.

"Yeah? Well, we better go keep her company, right?"

"Yeah!" Danny stood up and took Charlie in his arms, small arms and legs wrapping around him, just like his sister used to do. 

He spotted the presents by the corner the tree used to be, so Steve had clearly taken them out. Charlie bounced in his arms at the sighet of them. 

He walked to the kitchen, a small smile finding its way out when he saw his Monkey making breakfast for everyone. He left Charlie sitting on the table and wrapped an arm around her.

"Merry Christmas, Monkey." He said as he kissed her in the temple.

"Is it?"

"Is what what?"

"Merry." She mumbled and Danny felt his heart ache at the wistful look in her eyes and all he could see was her face when she was 6 and they told her Danno would not be spending Christmas with her and Rachel.

He hated that he was putting her through that again.

"It is now, Monkey. You and your brother are all I need." She pursed her lips, but nodded anyway. "Do you need help?" He tickled her side, wanting that haunted look to disappear.

"Danno! No!" She giggled, squirming away. Mission accomplished. "Go sit!"

"Aye aye, Captain. Charlie, come wash your hands."

* * *

They were doing the dishes when Charlie asked The question.

"Danno?"

"Yeah, kiddo?"

"Where's the tree? Didn't you like it?" He was biting his lip, his eyes shinny with gathering tears at the thought that his dad didn't like what they had made together.

Danny's heart broke when he saw him.

"No… No, kiddo. I loved it, I promise. But… Yesterday I had a big fight with Uncle Steve and I felt lonely and I thought I wasn't going to see you today, so I took everything off… But I still have them, I promise. We can put some up after lunch, if you want."

"Yeah?"

"Of course, kiddo." He bent to kiss his head and his son used that opportunity to wrap his arms around his neck and climb onto his lap, latching onto him and giving him the tightest hug he could muster at his age. Grace stood up and dragged her chair next to them, laying her head on Danno’s shoulder.

“Are you still sad, Danno?” 

“I’m much better now, kiddo. You hugs are very good.” He replied as he wrapped one arm around his Monkey.

“Good.” He fell silent for a few minutes before he pushed away to look at him. “Uncle Steve loves you.” It wasn’t a question. It was a statement. A very clear, very loud one. “You’ll forgive him, right? You said we have to forgive people when they are mean to us if they apologise.”

“Charlie… Baby, it’s not that easy with grown ups. We said very mean things to each other and…”

“And Charlie’s got a point actually.” Grace interrupted, smiling at her little brother, who smiled right back at her, wide and proud. “Uncle Steve said he’d fix this. He  _ promised _ , actually." She kissed his cheek before standing, grinning. "Where are our presents?" Charlie perked up at that w9rd, looking at his dad with huge, expecting eyes, lamost vibrating.

Danny chuckled, knowing what she was doing. "C'mon." He had seen them next to the fireplace, and clearly it had been Steve who had pulled them out of the closet.

* * *

“Danno look! A race car!” Charlie said, running over to show it to him. “Can I play with it?”

“Have you finished opening all of your presents?” He replied, grabbing him and sitting him down on his lap, hugging him close.

“I still have one left!” He replied, laughing when Danny tickled his sides before letting him go.

“Hey Monkey, are you alright? Do you not like it?” He couldn’t see what present she had opened, but she was completely still.

She turned around, holding the camera he had gotten for her in her hands, eyes sparkling with tears but with a huge smile on her face.

“I love it, Danno. It’s great!” She replied, sitting down on the sofa to mess around with it.

“Really?” He looked at her, because now that he thought about it… What if she thought he had given it to her because he wanted more pictures of his food? Not that he was going to keep that going anyways, but she could read that way and… He needed to make sure it was something he wanted. Grace had stopped making a Christmas gift list years ago. “I’m sure Santa wouldn’t mind if you changed it for something else.”

“Danno. I love it. Santa did a great job.” She smiled at him before leaning over to hug him. “Thank you. I love you.”

“I love you too, Monkey.” She honestly seemed to like it, and Danny felt relief fill him: the team hating him… It hurt. A lot. But he would be able to get better if his kids were still with him, but if Grace and Charlie ever started to dislike him for any reason… He would not survive that. They were his whole world, he was nothing without them. 

* * *

Danno was putting Charlie down for his after-lunch nap when she decided to text her mum. She ignored Steve’s message of “call me when you can. I’ll tell you everything” and instead sent the same picture he had sent them.

**Mum, Charlie is napping and I can do my homework online. Do we really** **have to come back?** And why was she even asking if she had to. She was 18 for god’s sake, she could do whatever she wanted.  **Actually, I’m staying here with Danno** _. _

**_Grace, we’ve talked about this. You are supposed to spend this holiday with me._ **

She huffed.  **We spend almost everyday with you. If you want Charlie, come pick him up or have Mani come pick him up, but I’m not driving Danno’s car and I don’t think Danno should be driving today.**

The next message took a few more seconds and she could picture her mom huffing and glaring at a wall as if it had offended her.  **_Fine._ **

Another message came right after.  **_Take care of your father._ **

* * *

“Monkey, what time did you say you had to be back with your mother?” Danno asked as he came out of Charlie’s bedroom.

She grinned at him. “She said we can spend the night with you, actually.”

He stopped in the middle of the room, the words slowly sinking into him, a real smile finally appearing in his face. “She really said that?”

“Yup.” She turned around and bit her lip. Did she really want to bring whatever had happened up and dampen Danno’s mood again?

* * *

Danny watched her, and mentally sighed: he already knew what she was thinking about and a part of him didn’t even want to think about it, another part wanted to tell her, to make sure she understood they were, more likely, out of Steve’s life, no matter whatever he had promised her. 

“C’mon, out with it, Monkey.”

She sighed and turned around, crossing her legs. “What… What happened yesterday? You don’t have to tell me but… You look like a mess, Uncle Steve looked like a mess and you took all the decorations down and, and, and you love Christmas and you were still sleeping when we got here. You said everyone was coming for dinner yesterday but it looks too clean and there's not even a bit of confetti on the floor… Did they stand you up?" The thought that their ohana had left Danno waiting for them and no one came… Of course Danno would take everything down. No one wanted a reminder of being hurt.

"No. They did come." He ran a hand through his hair. "Do you remember that a few months ago I had a delivery to the party Five-0 organised?"

"Yeah. You said they all loved the food." He had been so happy that his ohana had loved the food he had made for them. Even, Rachel had noticed he was happier than usual.

"Yeah. And yesterday… Yesterday I made something I had made for the party, and they recognised it. For a moment I thought they would simply think I had copied it, but Steve… He knew right away what was going on." 

"So?"

"They didn't like the idea of me working on something else to make more money. Steve… Steve and I ended up yelling at each other and as I told you brother, I might have stepped over the line."

"But Uncle Steve said he…"

"Grace," he held his hand up to stop her. He was going to hate himself after this, but he needed to do it quickly, like a bandaid. "I don't think he wants us,  _ me _ , back, ok? I know he promised to fix it, but I don't think we can, not this time. He made it very clear he didn't like me as a partner and I also said some terrible things to him. Things I should have never said."

Her big brown eyes grew like saucers, the words fully sinking into her.

"What? No. No. He said he loved us, loved you. He always says you are the best partner he's ever had." She stood up and started pacing. "And what are you going to do? Leave Five-0? You can't do that, Danno. You built it with them!"

"Grace. I'm not. Come sit down." He patted the space next to him and she flopped down, glowering at him. "I don't know what I'm going to do, but the catering… It had always been a temporary thing, and I've made enough money. I don't need to keep doing it."

"But it makes you happy! I know it does!"

"Yeah, but so does being a cop." He replied, softly.

"What were they even angry about?" She huffed, crossing her arms over her chest. "That you didn't ask them for money? As if they ever ask for help."

"Something like that." He confessed. "Start thinking what you want for dinner while I call Adam, ok?"

"Ok." She said, giving up for now.

* * *

As soon as Danno was in his room and the door clicked shut, she called Steve, anger filling her again.

"What did you say to him?" She growled the second he answered his phone.

_ "Grace..." _

"He thinks you don't want him around anymore. That you don't want him as your partner."

_ "He what?" _ He exclaimed.  _ "Fuck. That's not… I was angry, I didn't mean it. Shit." _

"You actually told him you didn't want to be partner's with him anymore?" She whispered harshly, not wanting Danno to hear.

_ "No! God, Grace no. Danno's my partner and he'll be so until he tells me he doesn't want to anymore." _

"Then what the fuck did you say?"

_ "I said… What I said was…" _

"What?"

She heard him sigh, pained, but she didn't care. Not at this moment.

_ "I said that “some partner he was if he couldn't even trust me with this”. And I left. I was so angry, Grace. I didn't expect the others to follow me." _ She huffed.  _ "What?" _

"They always follow you, of course they'd leave." She paused for a second before she continued. "Danno says he's not sure you can make it through this time. That he also said awful things to you. What… what did he say?" She knew her dad wasn't perfect and that sometimes his temper got the better of him and said things he didn't mean.

_ "Nothing that wasn't true. I'm not going to lie and say it didn't hurt, but I've never given him a reason to think differently." _

“But what…”

_ “Grace. It’s alright. You don’t need to know.” _ He interrupted.  _ “As I said, he was right to call me out on it. Do you need me to pick you up to go to your mother’s?” _

“We uh, we are actually spending the night here.” She said. “Mum said it was ok. Uncle Steve?”

_ “Yeah?” _

“What if… What if Danno doesn’t…” She couldn’t finish that sentence. The thought of Danno and Uncle Steve not being friends anymore made her stomach twist.

_ “Then I guess I will have lost the three best things that have ever happened in my life. But as I said, I’ll do everything I can. I promise.” _ She didn’t say that Danno didn’t even believe that promise anymore, what good would it do? Maybe it would just hurt Uncle Steve even more and would make him not want to even try. “ _ Go back with him, ok? Don’t worry about me.” _

“But Uncle Steve…”

_ “Grace. It’s Christmas Day. You should be spending it with your dad and your brother, not on the phone with me, making you upset. I love you, ok? Always.” _

“I know.” She mumbled. She wasn’t as angry with him now, but Danno was still hurting. Danno still threw everything out when they left. Danno still more likely cried himself to sleep. She couldn’t say it back, not without knowing if Danno would ever be alright again.

* * *

“Hey, Merry Ch….”

“Hey!? Hey? After 20 missed calls you answer by Hey? What the hell, Danny?” This was probably the first he had ever heard Adam mad like this. Or mad, period. The man was too chill sometimes.

“I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to, I just…”

“I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to yell, you just had us worried.” Adam sighed.

“Us?” Us who? Him and his shadow? Because his team certainly was not. He was still waiting for a simple apology, but nothing had come, so that really settled where he was in their lives.

Outside of it.

“Flippa, Kame and I. They came by. Called you, left you messages. You haven’t answered them either.”

“I’m… sorry.” Danny mumbled. He knew it had been wrong of him, but he couldn’t do it. “It’s just…” He doubted: he didn’t want them to break ties with the team, just because of him. “Look, it was nothing.”

“Danny. Don’t lie to me. Please. You were there for me, let me be here for you.” Adam sounded close to begging, and he wasn’t ashamed to admit it: he wanted to be there for him, but he couldn’t if Danny didn’t let him.

The cop sighed, pushing his hair back. “They… found out. About the catering.”

“Uh-huh…?”

“They… didn’t take it well.” He bit his lip, not wanting to break down with the kids at home, and over the phone. “They didn’t like that I wanted to do it by myself, they wanted me to ask for their help. The-they all left together before we even started eating.” He muttered, his throat constricting at the memory of their retreating backs, not caring about him or the effort he had put in everything to make sure they had a good Christmas’ Eve.

“They what? Shit, Danny. Why didn’t you call me?”

He shrugged, before he realised Adam wasn’t able to see him. “I didn’t want to be a bother.” He admitted. “I don’t know what to do.”

“What do you mean?” He could see Adam’s frown. “Danny. What do you mean?”

“The catering. I… don’t want to do it anymore. I'll shut it down after tomorrow's deliveries." He said, the words heavy and bitter in his mouth, but he knew he would not be giving his clients good food if every time he made something all he could see was his team leaving him behind.

Food needed love, and right now, he didn't have much of that left.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I would like to apologise for the inconsistency of my updating. Working on Retail is usually already madness, but this year and Christmas season have turned it into Hell. Hopefully when everything goes back to how it used to be I'll be able to start again with a more scheduled updating.


	3. Chapter 3

"Give up the catering? What are you talking about, dear?” Clara questioned, sitting down on her sofa. What was her son talking about? Where was that coming from?

“I… they know. They didn’t take it too kindly, Ma. They left me alone on Christmas Eve.” He confessed, sitting down on the sofa, curling over himself. “I haven’t even gotten a single “Merry Christmas” or “I’m sorry” text.” He could feel the tears coming back up again. He thought he had dried up as he told his remaining three friends this morning after dropping the kids off with their mother. He had given him the cliff notes when they talked on the phone, because he hadn’t been able to tell him everything and break down with the kids in the house with him, but once the kids had been with their mother and Adam came around, with Flippa and Kame on tow… He hadn’t been able to do anything to stop the tears. “And it was always going to be temporary anyways.”

“So you are just going to give up something that made you happy because your friends have proved to be horrible? What about Steven?”

Of course she would ask about him: everyone seemed to have a crush on his partner. Ex-partner? Probably, with the way things were going. He was considering lying so she would not feel bad, but this was his mother and she would know he had lied to her, even over the phone.

“He was the first to leave.” He ended up admitting. “He’s the one who figured it out. But… But he brought the kids over today.” He added, as if to soften the blow.

“So… he’s sorry.”

Was he? Was he truly sorry? Because if he was, wouldn’t he at least had tried to contact his supposedly best friend? Or did Lou hold that title now? Chin? He had always prided on being able to read Steve, but right now he had no idea how to interpret his action. Was he trying to soften the blow when he told Danny he was relieved of his duties? When he told him he didn’t want to see him again, him or his kids or his lies? What was he supposed to think about anything when all of them were ignoring him to the best of their abilities?

“I don’t know Ma, I really don’t know.”

“And that’s alright, but don’t take any rash decisions.”

“What decision, Ma? Five-0 comes first. I’m a cop. I still have 3 years to finish my twenty. The catering was just to make some extra cash, I’ve got it now, I don’t need to keep doing it. And there’s no shortage of catering businesses around the island, bigger and better than what I did, I doubt any of my clients will be dismayed at the idea of me disappearing.” He said, trying to brush it off, but it was the honest truth.

_“Danny…”_

“Ma, I can’t give up Five-0. It’s all I have here.” He mumbled, feeling a new wave of tears crash through him.

Clara made a pained sound through the phone before she stood up, heels clicking on the floor.

Decision made: she was not going to let her son make one of the biggest mistakes of his life. Not on her watch, not while she was alive and sane. Which she could not promise the Five-0 task force would be once she was done with them.

_“Eddie! I’m going to Hawaii, get me a plane ticket.”_

_“What?”_

“WHAT?” Danny yelled. “Ma, don’t come here! Everything is fine!” He scrambled to say, drying his face with his sleeve.

 _"Is that why you are crying? Because everything is fine? Clearly someone needs to knock some sense into those people who you call “friends” and into you, because I’ll be damned if I let you give up on something you love because of their idiocy.”_ She shot back and Danny could hear the soft thud of something heavy landing on the bed.

“Ma…”

_“Don’t Ma me. I’ll send you the flight information once I talk with your father. I love you, don’t do anything stupid, do you hear me?”_

“Yes, Ma.” He felt like a child again and while his mom could be too much sometimes, he missed her. He missed _this_. He had always been a mama’s boy and he would always be. And nothing made him feel more at home than her voice, her presence. “I love you, too, Ma.”

* * *

He was curled on his sofa, under his favourite blanket when the door opened and Adam stepped inside. He wondered if something had happened since they had seen each other.

“I’ve had an idea.” Adam announced as he opened the door.

“What? Adam, I’m not in the mood…” Danny started to say, not getting up from where he lay on the sofa, curled under his favourite blanket.

“Hey.” He smiled at him, hand burying under the golden locks to settle him down, Danny could be like a spooked horse sometimes. “Have you talked with Clara?”

He nodded. “She said she’s coming, and I don’t think we can convince her to stay in Jersey.”

“Good. You need her here right now, before you do something stupid like quiting the catering.” He said, crossing his arms over his chest. “Do you remember my house in Maui?”

Danny looked at him with an unimpressed look. “Yes. What about it?”

“Take a few days, go there, think things over. Really think. The kids can come see you when it’s your turn.”

“Adam…” 

“Do you really think staying here is going to do any good? Let Clara come here, see the kids, and I’ll send her to Maui to you, ok? Think about it, I’m going to steal a beer.”

Danny sighed: he already knew he was not going to win that battler, but honestly, it sounded tempting, to just go away for some time, put some real, physical distance between him and the team. He still hadn’t heard a word from any of them, and yes, Steve bringing the kids was appreciated, but it still meant nothing if his partner hated him. It meant nothing if he was still going to be alone at the end of the day.

And Adam’s place in Maui was beautiful, his Ma would love it. There was a huge garden in the back where she could tend to the plants and the ocean was right in there in the backyard. It was also a good ten minutes by car from Wailuku, meaning there was so much silence around.

And that’s what he needed, too. Silence. Some space to think without being distracted by cars honking or children yelling on the street.

He was cut short from his musings (and there was his point) when his phone pinged.

His heart gave a treacherous skip when he was the name.

Chin. Chin sent him a message?

He opened the WA App and ignored Lou’s voice message, which he had gotten during the night before. He hadn’t dared to listen to it because if it was something awful he didn’t want his kids to worry. They deserved a nice Christmas Day without their dad crying his eyes out again.

He opened Chin’s up as soon as he could and maybe he was going to apologise, or at least tell him Merry… Christm… Oh. 

He should have known better than to get his hopes up. After what he did, the way he had left, choosing Steve over him and clearly stating so, he should have known better than to expect an apology from him. And why would he even tell him Merry Christmas, even if it was a day later? They obviously hadn't wanted him to have one, otherwise they would have stayed the night before, or at least called.

He should have known better than to get his hopes up.

He wanted to throw his phone across the room, but he needed and wasting money like that was not something he was going to do.

How _dare_ Chin act like nothing had happened? Like they hadn’t hurt him so much he cried himself to sleep? Like he hadn’t tossed him aside like an old rag when the moment to choose knocked on his door?

Angry and disappointed he opened Lou’s message, pressing play. It couldn’t be worse, not could it? 

_“Danny… Hey, man. I’m not, I’m not sure how to say this without seeing you. But… I am so sorry for what I did last night. For how I reacted and how I left. God, I should have never left you alone on Christmas Eve. Shit. I know apologising doesn’t fix anything, any of the hurt and anger we’ve caused you. That we_ let _Steve cause you. He was way out of line man, and we all know it. He knows it, too. I should have spoken up. I can’t relate what it must be to have your children taken from you like this, but I do know that I would do anything for them. And what you’re doing… I don’t know how you are doing it, it’s impressive. If you ever need help with… But no, you probably don’t want me around you or your business. If you give me a second chance, or let me apologize properly, face to face, or something. Please give me a call, or we can meet over coffee. Whatever suits you better. I love you too man, you’re my brother, and I should have made that very clear the other day.”_

Lou… apologised? Lou _apologised_. And… it seemed genuine, heartfelt. The trembling in his voice, the shaky breathing, the creaking of the sofa he was sitting on as he tried to find a better position, too nervous to stay still.

“Hey, who are you talking to?” Danny startled when Adam came back from the kitchen, a plate with two sandwiches in one hand and two beers in the other.

“No… Voice message. From Lou.” He said as Adam sat down, next to him and taking one of the beers. 

Adam turned to stare at him: what did he want now? Hadn’t he hurt him enough? But Danny… seemed calm, serene, so whatever it was that Lou had said, it couldn’t have been that bad, right?

“Lou? What does he want now?” He finally asked.

“He… apologised. _Really_ apologised. He says he wants to talk, if I want. Face to face.” He explained.

“He did? That’s good! Right?” He questioned when Danny didn’t add anything else.

“It’s appreciated. But I can’t. Not yet. It’s too soon.” He admitted. And a part of himself hated that he couldn’t just meet with Lout tomorrow, when he was coming back, because he was still angry, and he knew that if he forgave him just like this, it would be all for nothing and next time he did something they didn’t like, he’d be back here.

“At your own pace, Danny. They don’t get to demand shit from you.”

“I know.” He nodded, twirling “I’d like to go to Maui.”

Adam blinked at him, surprised: he had expected a lot more resistance. “Of course. Just say the word.”

“Thank you. I’ll text Steve.”

“Will you be ok? What if he...”

“I won’t be asking him.” He cut Adam off, already typing.

 _I’ll be out for the week._ He texted.

**_Of course, Danny._ **

**_I know it means next to nothing when it’s by text, but I’m sorry. I’m sorry for my poor reaction when I should have been the one to have your back like you’ve always had mine. I’m sorry I didn’t notice you were struggling before. I should have pushed harder when you started avoiding me. When you come back, please let me apologise properly. You are the best partner I’ve ever had, that I will ever have, and the thought that I might lose you because of my own stupidity is tearing me apart._ **

_We’ll talk about it when I come back._

_Also, I’m not taking Chin’s place in court._

Both he and Adam startled when the phone started ringing, Steve’s name and picture on the screen.

“Danny…”

“It’s alright. It’s not about me taking time off. Something else happened.” He was quick to reassure his brother, squeezing his arm. “Steve.”

_“Danny. Hey. Hi. What do you mean taking Chin’s place in court?”_

“For Wednesday’s court session, the one he said he’d go to.”

_“Yes. But why would you have to go?”_

“I don’t know. He said he cleared it with you.”

 _“What? No, Danny. I swear he didn’t. I swear.”_ And Danny believed because as much as Steve had hurt him, he knew he’d never do that to him. Chin, apparently, would. And did. _“You know I always check in on you when there’s changes like that.”_

“I know. I haven’t replied to him. I’ll let you do it, I’m not in the mood right now.”

_“Don’t worry about it, I’ll talk to him. Can you send me the message? I need to know exactly what he said.”_

“Of course.” He didn’t know what else to add, and it made him uncomfortable to unspoken levels, because he was not used to that. At all. “I guess I’ll just…”

_“Are you going back to New Jersey?”_

“What?”

 _“Nothing. I shouldn’t be asking. You want time alone and after what I did and said, I have no right to know._ ” Steve replied and for the first time since they had met, he sounded truly, deeply sorry.

And it caught him off guard, because in his mind, Steve was apologising to make sure he didn’t run off, not because he actually cared.

“No. I’m going to Maui.” He ignored how Adam stared at him, eyes bulging almost comically. “And Steve, I’m telling you because I want to think you care enough about me to give time and space to think about what to do next. Unless someone is dying or dead, I want to hear nothing from you, or the team, or Oahu as a whole, clear?”

_“Yeah. Yeah, Danny. I wasn’t going to. I just… Be safe, please.”_

“Yeah. You too.”

 _“I… I know you probably don’t believe me right now, but I love you.”_ Danny swallowed, unsure of what to say because he still loved him, feelings like that didn’t go away that easily, but he was still hurting, and felt that if he said it right now it would almost be a lie.

“I… Thank you for bringing the kids here.” He said instead, before he hung up, as quickly as he could, he didn’t want to drag the conversation any longer, not when he was so confused by it all.

He sat down again, with a sigh, running a hand through his hair, taking his beer from the table.

“Everything okay?”

“With Steve? I guess.”

“And Chin? What happened?” He had a good inkling about it, it didn’t take a genius to figure it out with Danny’s words, but he wanted him to use them, he wanted him to vent, like he needed to.

“Well, apparently…”

* * *

_“... And I know you have nothing better to do anyways that or any other day. I already cleared it with Steve. Thanks.”_

“Nothing better to do!?” Steve exploded, slamming his phone on the table, Lou and Kono startling at his tone of voice. “We just found out he’s running a side business and you said he had nothing to do?” How could someone be so... so selfish? Had they even attempted to apologise? Because he knew he needed to do better, for Danny, for the kids, because by god, he had never meant to hurt Danny that way, and if he could, he'd walk on his knees and walk for forgiveness, but that would mean nothing to Danny. He needed to show him that he cared, that he truly cared and loved him as much as he said he did, and that included making sure that no matter what Danny chose, Five-0, the catering, both, he’d always have a space in Steve’s life. Him and the kids. The biggest, the closest to his heart, perhaps even more so than Mary and Joannie’s spots. That meant showing he was interested in his business, involved if Danny let him. It meant making sure Danny knew how much of a good cop he was, and how good of a cook.

It was letting Danny leave Five-0 if he so wished to.

But right now, it was making sure everyone knew who he was siding with.

“Steve…”

“Shut it, I’m talking.” He was furious. Not only did Chin not apologise, he _demanded_ that Danny reorganise his whole day for him so he could go… go do what, exactly? “What is that so important thing you have to do anyways?”

“I have to go pick up some pieces for my bike.”

He had to have heard it wrong. He had to have. “Excuse me? Did you, did you just say you tried to get out of going to a court session, that you yourself volunteered to go, because you had to go pick some pieces for your bike?”

“Look, it’s not a big deal, just tell Danny to do it. Tell him he can wear a tie and he’ll be happy.” Kono snickered at that.

And Steve couldn’t believe his ears: when had they become so… self-conceited? When had they stopped caring about Danny or his life? They had been angry at him for not telling them, but he was starting to see it was anger at themselves for not noticing, or for Danny not having told them, it wasn’t an issue about trust, it was about _pride_ , for them, because they had always seen Danny as the weakest of them, someone who could barely do anything without them, someone who didn’t know anything about Hawaii, so seeing Danny managing not only a high-stress job like their _and_ managing a full fledged company at the same time proved that Danny was better than them. That Danny didn’t need _them_ to make a living for himself.

He chanced a glance at Lou, but the man’s eyes were burning with rage. Good. At least someone besides him was on Danny's side.

“Happy!?” Lou bellowed, the cousins clearly not expecting him to side with Steve. With _Danny_ . “After we left him alone on his favourite holiday? After all the effort he put into making our favourite foods? That’s when he’d be happy? After us, _his team_ , walked out on him? Yes, I’m sure everyone would be happy to be left behind.”

“Oh c’mon Lou, don’t be so dramatic. It’s Danny. He’s…” Kono stopped herself, almost biting her tongue to keep from finishing that sentence.

“He’s what, Kono?” Steve said, planting his hands on the table and leaning over the smart table. “He’s used to being left behind? Because let me tell you something, I should also be used to it, but it hurts every. Damn. Time. Or perhaps you were going to say he’s dramatic? Because he can be, but never when it matters, and if you can’t see past that, I wonder why I’m still keeping you here. ” He turned to look at Chin again. “Let’s get back to you. Not only did you try to get out of going for personal reasons that are no excuse from work, you told Danny I had ok’ed the change and you never, not once, mentioned it to me.”

“So? He should have just done it. It’s not big of a deal.” Chin's whole body was tense, his arms crossed over his chest, eyes hard and he kept shifting his weight from one leg to the other. It was a defensive position. He knew he was in the wrong but refused to back down: this wasn't the same man he had hired 6 years ago.

“Except it is! Let me remind you of something: I’m the boss, so everything you want to change, especially when it comes to something as serious and important as locking up and serial killer, goes through me. And if I’m not here? The second in command is Danny. So you don’t get to tell him what to do, it goes the other way around, whether you like it or not.” Lou put a hand on his shoulder, squeezing. A silent, but obvious, show of support. “But I guess that’s on me.”

“Steve…”

“No, Lou. It is. I was too benevolent. I got comfortable. _You_ _two_ got comfortable. And Danny paid the price. Well guess what? No more games. I’m in charge, you follow. I say jump, you say how high sir.”

“You’re kidding, right?” Kono asked, her eyes disbelieving and staring at him as if she had never seen him before.

“Does it look like I’m kidding? From now on I’ll assign who does what and when. So Chin, you are in court duty on Wednesday the whole day. As for today, report duty. Finish yours and then proof-read Kono and Lou’s. Kono, unless a case comes up, you’ll be doing inventory. Lou, I need you to go to the lab and collect all the evidence and categorise it before we bring it to HPD. Once you're done, come to my office, I want to talk with you too..”

“You got it, man.” He said before he did as told, disappearing from the office.

“Steve, brah, you can’t be serious.” Chin said, taking a step forward.

“There are very few things I have ever been more serious about. Now get going. Your break is from 12 to 12.30.”

They didn’t say anything else. A part of him broke that he had to act like this, but if he couldn’t trust them to have the team’s best interests at heart, he’d take the option out of their hands.

* * *

“Damn, I had forgotten how beautiful this is.” Danny said as they arrived at Adam's house. “Thank you for letting me stay here, Adam.”

“Stop thanking me, I’ll end up getting angry at you.”

“Yeah, yeah.”

Adam’s house was small, clearly meant to be used during small periods of time, but it was… homey. And warm. It was just what he needed. It had a private beach and huge garden, with flowers everywhere.

“You sure you’ve got everything you need?”

“Yes, Adam. And if not, I can always take the car and go to town.”

“I could stay with if…”

Danny sighed. “Adam. Go back to Oahu. I’m not going anywhere, ok? Someone needs to make sure my mum doesn’t kill them, yeah?”

“Danny, if you think I’m getting into Clara’s way, I’ve got news for you buddy: I like being alive.” Adam deadpanned as he helped Danny get the groceries inside.

Danny chuckled: getting into his Ma’s way when she was angry it was a mistake people only did once. “Fair enough. Just makes sure she doesn’t get into trouble, please?”

“She’s going to be there for one day, Danny? What’s the worst that could happen?”

“I would rather not find out.” He left the last bag on the counter and turned around. “Thank you for doing this, Adam. It means a lot.”

Adam sighed, shaking his head. “I told you Danny, stop thanking me for this. It’s what you need, and I can provide it. And after everything you did for me when Kono left me… Let’s just say I’m happy I can help you, it’s long overdue.”

“Stop saying that. I helped you because I love and care about you, not because I was expecting you to repay me.” Danny said, his hand cutting through the air

“I know, you are not that kind of person. But I’m glad I can finally do it.” With a smile, he gave him a hug. “Everything will be alright. I love you.”

“I know. If Kono and Chin ask…” Danny started.

“My lips are sealed. They can apologise and ask themselves.” He said, nodding. They didn’t deserve to know anything about Danny, not after how they treated him. And Chin especially didn’t deserve anything after demanding that Danny rearrange his day just because he said so, without providing a real reason as to why he needed Danny to go to court in his place.

“Thank you. Now get going before you lose your place back home.”

“Yeah, yeah. Call if you need to talk. Whenever you need, ok?” He smiled at him

“Right back at you.” Because he knew that despite him and Kono not being together anymore, it was still hard to believe the type of person she had seemingly become. He gave him another quick hug before pushing him out the door. “Go.”

“Bye. I’ll come pick you up at the airport, yeah?”

“Thank you.”

* * *

Danny unpacked everything and once he was done and lounging on the hammock, he picked up his phone and opened WA, going straight to Steve. He typed a quick “Got to Maui ok.” Because he knew Steve, and he would worry, and he wasn’t so cruel that he’d let him wonder if he was ok or not like that.

**_Thanks._ **

Steve didn’t say anything else, didn’t ask anything. Which he appreciated, because it meant he was respecting Danny’s boundaries.

It was… strange. Not even 24 hours ago he had been so ready to give up the catering and just go back to Five-0 and do his job, forget about cooking and baking but now… With Steve listening to him instead of just doing whatever he wanted… It confused him, because maybe, if they managed to work everything out, he could have both, he could have the catering and Five-0. And if they didn’t… He wasn’t sure he’d stay in Five-0. Not with Chin there. Not with Kono there. Not with people who obviously didn’t care about him. But if he left, he could still have Lou and Steve as friends, they could still meet up. He could still help if they needed it.

But for now, those were just thoughts for now. He’d have to take a decision, but he had a whole week ahead of him to think about his future.

* * *

Adam followed Clara through the halls leading to the Five-0 Headquarters, sending a prayer to whoever was up there that she didn’t kill them. Danny and him had agreed to tell her everything, knowing she’d find out sooner or later. And later would probably entail her wrath descending on their heads.

Maybe he should call Kamekona for reinforcements. 

No.

No.

Bad idea. Kamekona would team up with Clara. He had never seen him so angry at anyone as he had been with Five-0 when Danny told them he was going to shut the catering. 

He suddenly understood why no one dared to cross him. And Kamekona maybe liked Chin and Kono and Lou. Maybe respected Steve. But he had backed Danny’s business, helped him get clients, and they had gotten close. Danny had catered to his family once, and that just showed how much Kamekona trusted and cared for him.

Clara pushed the doors open, her heels echoing in the large room as he walked up to Steve, who was staring at her with wide eyes.

“Clara?”

“You.” She grabbed him by the T-shirt and pulled him into his office. Steve followed, not offering any type of resistance, leaving the other three standing there, along with Adam, who simply went to stand next to Lou.

Steve stood there, waiting for the reaming he knew was coming. One that he truly deserved. Whatever Clara said he would take, because she would he right, because he had hurt her son, after promising her to never do such thing.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Not sure what tonsay except don't hate me for making Chin the bad guy and Kono his side kick.


	4. Chapter 4

Steve stood in the middle of his office, trying to keep each wave of tears that came every time Clara pointed her clear blue eyes (just like Danny's, always so full of life, except Danny's were now embers, because they had killed that life) at him. 

"How dare you treat him like that? After everything he's done for you, you are going to throw him away just like that? Because he didn't tell you one secret?" She turned to look at the picture Steve kept of him and Danny in his office. 

"No, Clara, I... I didn't..." 

"Didn't what? Mean it? Think it through? Cared enough? What, Steven?" She yelled as she turned around, pinning him under her stare. And Steve felt more terrified of anything Clara could say than he had ever been from any of his T.Os. "Have you ever cooked a meal like what he made you?" 

"W-what?" 

"Have. You. Ever. Cooked something like what. He. Made. For. You." She repeated, each pause hitting him like a fist to the stomach, even if he had no idea what her point was. 

"N-no." 

"So you have no idea how many hours, how much effort and love it takes to pull something like that. He was so _proud_ of it, he was sure you were going to love it, he sent pictures to everyone, wanted to post about it because it made him so happy to have his so-called _ohana_ with him on one of his favourite days of the year. But he couldn't because he hadn't told you." 

She had tears in her eyes and Steve wanted to hug her so badly, but he couldn't. Not when he was the source of her, and Danny's, suffering. 

"Except," she continued "his _ohana_ was nowhere to be found when he needed them. Instead they decided you deserved more support than he did, because apparently now you are the one suffering through having a bitch of an ex-wife, finding out you have a son and have to give him bone marrow so he doesn’t die, a dead brother stuffed in a barrel, a father that almost died from a heart attack and two maintenance for children you barely get to see."

He couldn’t say anything. Not only did he have a lump the size of a tennis ball in his throat, he couldn’t say anything, because everything Clara said, was true.

He had no idea how long it had taken for Danny to prepare all of that.

He had no idea it meant so much to have them all there.

He had no idea he was so proud of it.

And he had no idea of any of it because he hadn’t bothered to look for it, because he let Danny blow him off every time he said to do something together instead of asking him if there was something going on, or if he needed help with anything.

“Clara I… I’m sorry. I really am. I wish I could take it all back.” He gasped, finally working around the growing lump in his throat.

There was nothing else in the world that he wished more than taking everything he said and did that night. All he wanted was to wrap Danny in a hug and hold him close and tell him how much he loved him. But that was just a dream now, because he had messed up, and Danny and Clara hated his guts. Maybe Danny had told him where he was going and that he was fine so he would back off so he could move back to Jersey with the kids and his family.

“But you can’t. You can’t and now my son is thinking of giving up something that made him happy, because he doesn’t want to make you uncomfortable with his catering. Or that he has to leave the job he was made to do, because he fears that you don’t want him anymore. I mean, it's quite clear that you don’t care about his feelings. So either way, the one who is sure to lose something important in the long run, is Danny. Not you, not your team. Danny.” Her face was unreadable and the only things rolling off her was anger and disappointment. “And to be honest, Steven, if I have my way, my son is not coming back here at all.” She said, opening the door and leaving him alone.

* * *

Clara was… Clara was taking Danny back to Jersey with her. She was taking him before he had a chance to properly apologise and try to make things right by Danny.

Danny was going to hate him forever and he’d be alone again on the island.

He would have no one.

He’d take the kids too. Rachel had been pressuring him to move back to the mainland, and if… if he hated him there was nothing tying him to the island. Nothing.

He would never see Grace again. He would never get a chance to see Charlie grow up.

He would never see Clara again.

He would have no family, and it would be like when dad shipped him off to the Navy.

And it was all his fault, because he had been blinded by stupid rage and seeing that Danny didn’t trust him with the more fragile parts of him, because he had been refusing to pay for beers over and over again he made Danno think he couldn’t go to him for help. Not that kind of help.

Danny would go to him to go to Colombia to get his brother back from a Colombian drug lord, but he would not ask for help where his children were concerned because as far as he knew, Steve would not help him if it involved lending him money.

He had driven the person he loved the most away from him because he was stupid, and because, as Danny always said, he didn’t think things through.

If he had waited 30 seconds more before opening his mouth and accusing Danny of wanting to leave them, making it sound like he was lowering his standards to be a caterer, when it was something that made him happy.

And the only reason he hadn’t asked the others was because he didn’t want to be a bother, because he knew they had their own problems, so he looked for a solution himself, he made it happen.

And they had stomped all over his effort and hard work like it was just a small ant.

Why would Danny even _want_ to come back to that? To them?

And that was ignoring the shit Chin tried to pull off and Kono not apologising.

Danny was leaving, and he’d never see him again.

Danny was leaving, and he’d never have the chance to apologise.

He needed to go there, he needed to wait for Danny, he needed to see him as soon as he was back.

He raced past them, not registering the look they all gave him and heading straight for his car outside. 

“Hey, where are you going, McGarrett? If you think I’m lettin’ you go after what you...” Someone grabbed his shoulder and he turned around, seeing Kamekona glare at him.

He didn’t have time for this, so he shrugged him off and ran to his car.

He needed to make sure Danno hadn’t left yet.

* * *

"And you better don't slack off and…" 

"Will you go, cuz? Everything will be fine." Flippa cut him off, glaring at him.

Clara had sent him a message that she was heading to the Palace. He hadn’t asked why, he knew the reason she had gone there straight from the airport. 

"Fine." He said, before going to his car. 

He was crossing the security gates when he saw McGarrett running towards the exit.

Did he think he could get out of hurting Jersey just by running? Not on his watch.

He grabbed his shoulder as soon as he was within reach, effectively stopping the man.

“Hey, where are you going, McGarrett? If you think I’m lettin’ you go after what you...” He trailed off when Steve turned to look (glare, really) at him.

His eyes were wet.

He froze, because he had never seen him like that. 

And that had been all Steve needed to duck and run past him.

Well, he still had 3 out of 4 to yell at. He’d deal with McGarrett later on.

He walked to Five-0 quarters and smiled when he heard Clara yell at them, the same thick accent Jersey got when he was angry, twice as strong on his mother. He opened the door and walked up to Adam, staying by his side: he’d wait until Clara was done, he had a few things he wanted to add too, but he’d never interrupt her

“No, please, do tell me what he’s ever done to deserve this treatment! I’ll wait.” 

No answer came forth. At least they seemed to have _some_ self preservation instincts.

“No? Okay, I’ll keep going, then. At least one of you apologised but don’t you think you are getting off easy, Lou, because if you had done things as you should have, you wouldn’t have had to apologise in the first place. But you two.” She turned her head around to stare at the two cousins. “But you two. You not only didn’t even apologise, but what’s even worse” she turned her furious gaze to Chin, who actually flinched at it. “Is the fact that after everything that happened on Christmas Eve, you still had the... the _balls_ to ask him to cover you, so you could spend your day doing something else even though you fucking volunteered to do it in the first place? I guess that at the very least it was for a good reason.”

Kamekona and Adam watched how Chin shifted his weight from on foot to another, but still gave up no answer.

“Okay. Adam?” She looked at Danny’s brother, her _son_ , because God knew that boy needed someone who loved and cared for him, too. Daniel always liked to bring the broken ones closer to him, to heal them and spread his warmth.

It usually worked. Just not this time, but Adam was still there, for him. For them.

“Part for his bike.” Adam slowly replied, his low, gravelly voice filling the otherwise silent room.

“Part for his… A part for your bike? That’s how much Daniel is worth to you? A part for your bike? After everything he’s done for you, that’s what he is to you?” She walked up to him. “After your wife passed away, did he not come to check up on you every day? Did he not call you every morning to make sure you were alright, or if you were staying home and needed something? Did he not worry about you? Was he not a good friend?” Chin was starting to budge, but he still stood tall. Tall and proud. Stupidly, unnecessarily proud. “I see. I guess Danny’s friendship was always one-sided. You know, you were the first person Danny considered to be a friend after Meka. Even before Steven, because they were always on each other’s case back then, but he liked you from the get go. And my boy is rarely wrong about these things, but I guess even he can miss the mark sometimes.”

She turned around, choosing to ignore Chin’s reaction: whether she saw it or not, whether he was sad or sorry, was not going to affect her view on him.

“And you.” Kono at least had the decency, or rather, the common sense, to avert her gaze and point her eyes to the very shiny, very polished floor. “Oh, that’s not going to work, we both know you are neither a child nor innocent, so you look at me in the face when I’m talking to you.” She snapped and suddenly Kamekona understood how she had brought up 4 stand up mini-Jerseys. Ok, 3 stand-up mini-Jerseys and one Matthew Williams, but he could not blame the woman for her son’s stupid mistakes and greed. Kono looked up at once, her eyes alarmed at being talked that way. Clara ignored it, and rammed on. “So, the reason you haven’t apologised to Danny is because…?” She prompted.

Kono's only reply was to glance at her cousin.

“I see, because whatever he does, you copy. Not a sign of a great cop, if you ask me, but right now, I could care less about this task force of yours. Just, let me ask you a couple of things: is Danny so worthless to you that you can’t even think of apologising by yourself? Didn’t he help you when you started? Didn’t he let you sleep on his sofa when you were having nightmares and were afraid that him or Steven would know and think less of you? Didn’t he check up on you when you were kicked out of here? Didn’t he check up on you when you and Adam split?” Kono was back to staring at the floor, and Clara wasn’t having it. “I said look at me.” She did, the same startled look on her face. “I guess he was only good company when he could provide something, right? Otherwise, he’s just a waste of space. I wonder if any of your offers to help him with money were even genuine or if you were just upset that he could do something without your help. And by wonder, I mean I already know the answer.”

They all turned to look at Lou, who raised his hands in a semi-placating manner. Clara stopped, looking at him, crossing her arms over her chest, a clear sign that she was letting him speak, but that the second he said, or did something wrong, she would pounce on him.

“You don’t have to tell me.” Lou started. “I already know. There is nothing you can say to me that will make me feel worse than I already do. Danny is one of the best men I have ever known and I failed him. I failed him in the worst of ways and realised only when it was too late. I should have never let Steve leave that way and, more importantly, _I_ shouldn’t have left that way. I don’t even have an excuse as to why I left, except that I hadn’t been thinking. And that cost me Danny’s friendship. But I will promise you this, Clara: I will put everything I have into getting Danny’s friendship back, to prove myself to you, and him. And Grace, and Charlie. I fucked up in the worst way possible, and if it takes me a lifetime to be forgiven then so be it.”

She squinted at him before she turned to look at Kamekona, a smile gracing her lips before she hugged him. It was a complete 180. It was exactly just like Danny, when he was yelling at Steve and then immediately talking to a victim.

“I’m so glad to see you, darling.” She said.

“It’s good to see you too, Mama Jersey.” He replied, lifting her up and setting her back after a couple of seconds.

“Thank you for checking up on my boy. Guess you have some things to say to them? Want us to leave?”

“Nah, is nothing you don’t know.” He patted her on the shoulder. “I’ll be quick, too.” _They aren’t even worth my time,_ went unsaid, but it was clear for all of them.

“Y’all like to say we are ohana, but truth is we’re not.” He started and Adam almost did a double take because wow, Kamekona was not pulling his punches. “None of you know what Jersey’s been through. None of you. And when he needed you, you dropped him like a hot potato. You,” he turned around to look at Chin. “you pushed me to move on and do something with my life, but you can’t let him do that. You’re holding him back.”

“Since when are you so buddy-buddy with him?” Kono questioned, crossing her arms over her chest, looking up at him, definitely.

Adam could not believe this was the same woman he married. 

“Since I opened the truck.” How had they not seen it? Were they so blind that they couldn’t even see that? Hewas starting to think they weren’t as good as they had led him to believe. “Jersey has been helping with my finances and my tax returns since then.”

“What? And you asked Danny?” _Before us?_ She didn’t say it, but it was clear.

“No. He _offered._ ” And hadn’t that been strange, to have Jersey walk up to him, ask for all of his finances and sit him down to go through them together. Danny had begged him not to tell the other he had an economics degree with a minor in business. He was starting to see why. “It’s why I had no problem helping him with the _keiki_ , or the catering, ‘cause he helped me first.” He ran a hand over the computer, thinking of how much trouble Danny had gone to help him straighten up his papers for him. “You know why he helped me? Because you were my friend, Kelly, because he knew you wanted me to succeed and tax season was right there and I had no clue on what to do. He had seen me one day looking at them papers and he figured out what was goin’ on. He’s a fine detective, your boy, Clara.” He said, smiling at her. “You,” he turned to Chin, “not so much.”

“What?” Chin growled, opening his mouth for the first time.

“I mean, the signs were there, right? None of you saw them, can’t be much of a detective then. Or what, you thought Jersey learned how to make haupia pies and poi just by himself? Or for himself? He doesn’t even like the stuff that much, why do you think he learned?” He exclaimed, but of course, he received no answer. “He wanted to know how to make stuff you guys liked, because for him food is important and you wouldn’t shut up about him only making things from New Jersey! He wanted to share something from his home with you, but you wouldn’t let him, not without saying he needed to leave it behind and start cooking food from ‘ere, because you didn’t care for his food. He was trying to share a piece of himself and his family and you threw it back in his face every time. And when he did make something from ours, you said _nothing_. You couldn’t even tell him it was tasty.” He glared at the two cousins. “I asked if you guys liked it, but all he could say is that you didn’t spit it out. You didn’t even manage a thank you.”

“We didn’t… He didn’t say anything! We thought he had bought it.” Kono said, trying to defend herself.

“That’s why you are shit detectives, anyone would have known because the house smelled of cooking! At least McGarrett did realise that one time and said it had been good. I guess that’s why he’s the boss and you are just the ones that follow him.” He turned to look at the other man. “I have nothing to say to you, because at least you knew you were wrong without people having to tell you, but I won’t be doing anything to get him to forgive you.”

“I understand. I wouldn’t accept it either: I got myself into this problem, I will sort myself out of it.” Lou said, nodding. And he understood: it hadn’t been only Danny whom he had offended, it was everyone that stood behind him.

“Good. Y’know, I always kind of expected something like that from them, but you surprised me, Grover. You know Danny was the one to okay your badge, right?”

Lou blinked at him, confused. And surprised, because back then, Danny hadn’t seemed to like him much. More or less like now, he supposed.

“Kamekona is right.” Adam concurred. “Five-0 can’t hire someone new without both of their signatures. He took a chance on all of you, to have his back, to be his team, _his family_ , but it clearly didn’t pay off. And I can’t help but wonder if you two” he said, looking at the two cousins, who had shifted closer to each other at some point “are acting like this because he didn’t cast me aside like you expected everyone to do. Because if you can be this petty, I’m glad I divorced you in time.” He said, looking Kono directly in the eyes, ignoring the hurt that flooded them. A few months ago he would have had apologised, now they had hurt his brother.

“Adam!”

“How dare you!”

Adam focused his eyes solely on Chin, then. “How dare I? No, how _dare_ you. How dare you ask Danny to cover for you so you could go get some piece for your bike, when you could have just asked that they hold it for you. How dare you treat Danny like he’s only there when it’s to your convenience but never when it’s not. How dare you say Danny had nothing to do _after_ you found he was running a full on side business. How dare you use him like that, for so long, and give so little in return. Do you know what’s the one thing I’m glad I married Kono for? Because I gained the best brother I could have ever asked for.” He finished.

“Since when are _you_ so buddy-buddy with him?” Chin questioned, echoing his cousin’s earlier question.

“Since the divorce, you incredible asshole. He checked up on me, every single day. It didn’t matter how busy he was, how stressing the case was, he called me everyday at 8pm on the dot to ask me how I was doing. Something _either_ of you did, the only one that managed once a week was Steve, and it was over text more often than not. I guess that’s why they run the task force and not you, because you clearly don’t give a shit about others unless they can give you something. And I swear that if Danny quits the catering because of you, you will know what it really means to go against the Yakuza.”

Silent reigned for all of three seconds, the threat settling in, because it was clear Adam was not joking, and Kamekona was the one that broke it. “Where did McGarrett go?”

* * *

He punched the code in the security alarm and he tried very hard not to think about how it was his own birthday. He knew Danny wasn’t there, that he would not have been welcomed if he had been there, but he needed to make sure Danny’s stuff was still there, that he hadn’t left already.

It was. Everything was where it always was.

He let out a shaky breath of relief: Danno hadn’t left. He still had a chance to make things right, to apologise and prove to Danny and everyone else that he was worthy of a second chance.

He made his way to the garage, hoping that Danny hadn’t thrown the gift tagged with his name. He hadn’t taken it when he fixed everything for the kids because he hadn’t deserved to.

He still didn’t, to be honest, but he needed to feel that connection. He needed to be able to think that Danny might still care about him.

He took the hexagonal box with him to the living room where he carefully set it on the coffee table. It was big, but not incredibly heavy and it was involved with care and love, his name written on top of it in a handwriting that he would be able to identify on the spot.

Carefully he removed the bow and tore the paper. Inside there was a matte, solid black box with a lid. He removed it and it… opened, startling him.

There were pictures, in every single side of the now flat box. And inside there was another box.

And another.

And another.

And three more.

It was pictures of all four of us: him and Danny, the kids, the kids and Danny, the kids and Steve, one of the kids with one of them, then the other, pictures of the kids alone.

And right in the middle, written in gold, was _Uncle Steve’s family_ in Danny’s handwriting.

He felt a new wave of tears hit him and this time he was not able to stop them. He couldn’t. Not when every single photo had the date written next to it, not when there were little scribbles or titles in them, not when he knew how clumsy Danny was with his thumbs and how much he hated arts and crafts, yet he still made such a loving and person gift for him, all to have it blown up in his face because of him.

Danny had been giving him little pieces of his family everyday for the past 6 years and he had been collecting pictures of all these times, so he could put them together and give Steve something to remind him that he had more family than a dead father, a sister than lived miles away, and a mother that didn’t give a shit about him.

And he threw it all in his face when all Danny had wanted was to take care of his children and be the amazing father he was.

And he had called him out for that. He had gotten angry at his partner for wanting to provide for his children, for wanting to see them and not have them taken away. He had seen first hand what barely seeing Gracie had done to him, the angriness, the _hatred_ he had inside him when they met, how could he have yelled at his partner (his partner, the person he trusted the most in the world, the only person he had let inside of him, the person he _loved_ ) for that?

If Danny ever forgave him, there were not enough words in any of the languages he spoke that would ever express how regretful and thankful he was.

He heard the door open and when he looked up, Clara was there, closing the door behind her and punching in the code.

“I knew you’d be here.” She said, sitting down next to him. Her voice still had an edge, but it was closer to her usual dulcet. “You opened your present.”

“I’m sorry. I know I shouldn’t have, but… I needed…” His voice broke with a hiccup. How embarrassing was this? Clara seeing how much of a mess he was.

“Do you like it?” She asked, looking at him.

“What?”

“The present. Do you like it? He thought you could use some more smiles at your place.” She explained, leaning over the table to prop one of the sides up on her hand. “This is my favourite.” 

Steve blinked and dried his eyes, trying to see which one it was.

It was one of them, during their first year, and Danny was smiling at the camera, he had an arm wrapped around his waist and was leaning against him and he was smiling too, but he wasn’t looking at the camera, he was looking at Danny and… oh.

He could see the love in his own eyes and it was so obvious, but he himself never realised it back then. Hell, he had only seen if after Colombia, and how broken Danny had been, and all he had wanted to do was hold him, take him home and bring him back to health and reassure him it hadn’t been his fault.

Maybe he should have done that, and they wouldn’t be here now.

“That day, he called me. Talked about you and Grace and how you went to pick up shells together. That was the first time he didn’t talk about Rachel, or sound angry. That’s the day I knew my son had found someone who made him happy, and I knew he’d be alright. But then, three days ago, he calls me and tells me he doesn't know if he should quit Five-0, close the catering or just come back to Jersey altogether.” He bit his tongue, trying to keep the tears at bay. He was succeeding, but barely. “What happened, Steven? Why that reaction? That doesn’t sound like you at all.”

“I got scared. Because, because if Danny is out of Five-0… There’s nothing keeping him there. Not with Rachel wanting to pack everything back to the mainland. And I-I’ve been feeling like he was slipping away from me and th-there was noth-ing I could do and then he, he said he had the catering going on and… If he can do that, why would he stay here? It would be so much easier for him to grow in the mainland than in here, in the middle of the Pacific.”

Clara nodded. “What else? I know there’s more.”

He started picking a thread at the seam of his pants. “He said he knew he couldn’t ask me for money because I would never give it to him. I never pay for anything and I never realised… I never realised he was having problems with money or stopped to think that he’d have to pay Charlie’s child support. And he thought I would tell him no, because I’m shit.” He said. “And now he’s le-leaving me and I won’t see-see him o-or the kids again and all I’ll have are pictures and Cha-charlie won’t even remember me and Grace and Danny will hate me and…” He couldn’t stop the tears. 

He didn’t _want_ to stop them. Years of repression had served him for nothing but hurt and hurt and more hurt and now he was losing the love of his life because he hadn’t been able to see his own feelings.

Clara felt her heart break despite all the anger: she knew that Steve was not a bad person, and that he cared about Danny. That didn’t excuse his behavior, not in the slightless, but at least he knew he had messed up, and he had been trying to show Danny he cared from the moment he realised that.

“Danny doesn’t hate you, Steve. He’s hurt, and probably disappointed, but he doesn’t hate you.” She moved to sit next to him and tugged him into a hug: Lord knew this child hadn’t had enough hugs growing up. He felt him shudder and it seemed like he would resist but he stopped himself, and suddenly he wrapped her arms around her.

“I’m sorry, I’m so sorry. Please forgive me. Please, please. I love him, I love him so much. And the kids. I don’t want him to go.”

He sounded like a broken child and she figured that this was the first time since he was an actual kid that he had given himself the freedom to speak from the heart, unfiltered.

“I know you do, Steve. I know you do.” She said, pushing him away so she could look into his eyes. “But don’t think that this makes everything better. You still have to apologise to him, you have to prove to him that you are worth a second chance, am I clear?”

“Yes, ma’am.” He replied, and it was clipped and automatic, but that meant that he was taking it seriously.

“How much do you love him?” She questioned, because she knew, but she wasn't so sure Steve himself knew.

“A lot. I’m in love with him, Clara. I know it doesn’t mean anything right now and that… that even if he ever felt like this he probably wouldn’t want to… with me now. But I, I love him more than I’ve ever loved anyone and… and…” He felt more tears roll down his cheeks at the thought that Danny would never want him like that now, whatever slim chance he had of getting someone as perfect for him as Danno, he had thrown it all down the drain.

Clara watched him shake and shudder, eyes casted down and glued to the floor and gripping his pants, his breathing wet and fast, but not enough that she was worried about him hyperventilating.

She stood up and walked to the kitchen, they both needed something to drink after this. She had always suspected their feelings ran deeper than what they allowed themselves to show, but to hear Steve say he was in love with Daniel, it had been a little bit of a shock, because she never expected him to admit it out loud to anyone other than Daniel himself.

She wondered if he had ever realised he had said it,because he was clearly way inside his head.

She fished out her phone and prayed that she was making the right call.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you guys like Clara and Kamekona! Clara is one of my favourite characters to write because she can go so many ways, but angry, protective Clara will always be one of my favourite!

**Author's Note:**

> I hope you guys like it!! You know I can't stay away from a sad Danno, so... And Steve is still an asshole, but not the worse he's done.


End file.
